Driven To Guilt
by Ronnie Ravenly
Summary: A prolonged moment of NCIS season 4 episode 1 between Abby and McGee. Warning: Spoilers!


"I did it Abby.

I know how they got in." McGee said softly.

He had kept on talking to himself, to not get too lost in his thoughts.

Because he knew, if he did, he would feel way too much guilt for him to handle. It was his fault. _His fault_. He should have saved her. He was in the room, just a few feet away from her. How could he _not_ hear her?

He was too lost in his thoughts, the ones about the PC, to hear the footsteps behind him.

Therefore he was very surprised when someone actually answered.

"How did you know I was here?" questioned the girl he tried to keep his mind clear of.

He considered lying to her, to tell her that he heard her.

But no, he couldn't lie to her, not to Abby.

Besides, he owed her that much, and much more. Much, much more. And he could never make up for it.

He had not saved her when she needed it, and as her best friend, he should have. She could have died on his watch, and he _did not do anything_.

He said best friend, because that's probably all he would ever be to her, even though he wanted more. Wanted more of her, wanted what they once had, but lost. Wanted, needed and craved her very being.

Which gave him even more reason to save her.

But he hadn't. And she had almost died. _Died._ He could have been going to a funeral, days from now.

He slowly looked at her, just to reassure himself that she wasn't hurt. Or dead.

"I didn't."

She looked at him with a pitying look, who Tony probably would have found ridiculous.

After all, _she_ was the one who had almost died, not him. Yet she _pitied him_.

He would never forgive himself, so he didn't really see a point in it, but he had to ask anyway. Needed to make sure that he could not save the 'us' he cherished.

He pointed his head, so he could see her in the corner of his eye.

"Abby, I'm sorry for…" He didn't know how to continue. He felt a bile rise in his throat, felt the world crush him, telling him "_Your fault, your fault, your fault!"_ over and over again, until he broke, and could not even breathe.

She didn't let him be crushed, though. She distracted him with her sweet voice, and _saved him_, even if he did not deserve it at all.

"I know." She said, in a clear voice.

See, McGee thought to himself, she won't forgive you. She should never forgive you.

He looked back to the PC screen, to not let her see the pain that showed for a second on his face.

She seemed to notice anyway though, because she suddenly wrapped her arms around him.

She let her chin touch his, and the spot where her skin had come in contact with his, burned. But it was a nice burn, familiar and soothing.

She pulled her head away soon, but kept her arms around him still.

He sighed, why did she forgive him so easily? She should not. She should never forgive him. She had almost died, and what had he done? _Nothing_.

So he couldn't let himself live in the moment, could not stand feeling so at peace when he should be punished, and had to say something, which would make her mad at him. "Abby, you are supposed to ask for permission first."

That had to make her mad, or at least annoyed.

He turned his head once again, to catch her reaction.

Despite the fact that he thought she would pull away, she gave him a smile. A warm smile that relaxed him before his barin could catch up to what his body did.

"Never with you, Tim," she answered quickly.

She would probably never know what that meant for him. How warm, and safe, and _deserving_ she made him feel, with just those words.

But he had to let her know this meant a lot to him, so he pressed his hands against hers, on his chest.

After a while she would probably leave, and he would probably too.

But no one could ever replace Abby for McGee. She was his best friend, and meant even more for him than that. She was his comfort after a hard day, she was usually the one who saved the day, as for finding the clues who solved the case. She was _everything_. She was family.

And she was special and uniqe and perfect, after all, how many other persons would have been able to;

Take down one man with knife, with nothing but duck-tape?

Remember to use signs when she was kidnapped?

Take down an assassin, all by herself?

Probably none other than Abby.

Now, Abby would never know how much that hug meant for him.

And Tim McGee would never know how much it meant for Abby,

that he let her see how much he cared.

Because she cared for him. More than any best friend would ever care.


End file.
